Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Houston, we have a squirter
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
