I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
