He is such a slut. More and more my type.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
