I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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