You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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