I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
