So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
