walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
