I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
