She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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