walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
