I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
