Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
