Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize