I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
