hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
