Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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