Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
