You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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