franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
