Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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