Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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