I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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