We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
