I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
