Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
