Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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