You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
