drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize