If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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