Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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