i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
