My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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