i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
