just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
