All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
