I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
