Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
