when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize