dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
