I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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