Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
