What a fucking waste of an outfit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize