i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize