Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
