I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
