ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
