Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
