i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
