please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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