3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
