I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
