Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
