Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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