The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
