my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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