You really coming over, don't trick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
