Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
As shirtless as possible
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
