Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
