my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
