Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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