I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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