I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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