3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize