omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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