I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
These tits shall not be calmed
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