Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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