nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
