She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
