Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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