I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
