I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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