He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
