Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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