I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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