dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
MIDGETS
????
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
