It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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