Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
