I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
