So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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