omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
