I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
