You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh god it's open bar.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
