Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize