Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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