Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
