I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
