He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
