Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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