Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
