Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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