don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
