He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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