Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
