Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
