the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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