I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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