he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
