i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize