I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
