You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
