Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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