why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
