life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
