Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize